I’m hurting, sad, and so uncomfortable with this new reality. I’m starting not to say as much to anyone because no one understands me like my sister did. It’s seems so much energy to talk to anyone with disclaimers because they don’t really know me. My sister was the most non-judgemental person on earth. It’s not getting easier I’m just getting used to being alone now. My life without my best friend and confidant is lonely and I’m sad inside my heart and in my face. Pray for my sister’s daughter, her only child, my niece. She is embarking on the scariest parts of her life without her soulmate, her mommy. She is sad, in a way none of us are. She laughs so hard and loud all day then comes in my room at 3 am with pitiful shoulders and foggy glasses. She thought she needed medicine but I started telling her stories about me and her moms childhood then we didn’t remember falling asleep. We woke up the next morning ok – but I’m exhausted. I’m still so sad. My eyes are tingling now to cry. I’m so sorry my sister is gone! I wear her clothes and burn her candles, it makes me feel good and bad. This hurts so bad, I’m still so sad. I wish I could get my heart fixed, I wish the middle of my face would stop stinging, I wish my heart would stop aching, I wish the pain wasn’t so loud, I wish I could run until the hurt falls off of me, I wish I could cry with Kesha, like we used to. I wish my mama didn’t have to be so heartbroken. I want to still be my sister’s sister. I’m hurting and tired of saying the word hurt because it’s not intense enough to explain how I feel. I don’t care anymore about so much but feel so much deeper about everything. Leave me alone! Help me! Don’t talk to me! Love me!!